LEGO News – March 29, 2016

Warning: Only one more day of our inane LEGO News updates and you will have a new All Sorted podcast in your brain!

James: I’ve found a place for your final days, Jeff.

Jeff: I might be operating at 27% efficiency but I certainly don’t need to go to a care home yet.

James: No, I mean when you die.

Jeff: PLEASE, I’M TOO YOUNG –

James: You’ve got it all wrong, man, I’m only holding this pirate’s cutlass because I’m so excited about the Shanghai Disney Resort. I was doing a Pirates of the Caribbean thing.

Jeff: Whew. It is pretty exciting.

James: Well, thanks, I’ve been working on my acting lately. You know what would be even better?

Jeff: If you would stop brandishing that sword in my face?

James: If they opened the world’s largest LEGO store at said resort.

Jeff: It’s true, at more than 10,700 square feet this store will be incredible. My wife asked me why I’ve been studying the Hu dialect over breakfast and checking flights to Pudong International Airport and I had to tell her it’s for the podcast.

James: I’ll miss you, old buddy.

Jeff: PLEASE, I HAVEN’T EVEN SEEN THE LEGO BATMAN FILM YET!

James: Sorry. Would it make you feel better if I put the cutlass down?

Jeff: Yes. But nothing can make me feel better than the LEGO Batman teaser trailer.

James: How about a second LEGO Batman trailer?

Jeff: There is nothing in the known universe that can make me happier.

James: How about being a LEGO Master Builder? WBEZ has a nice interview with Adam Reed Tucker.

Jeff: That does make me feel pretty good. You know what would make me feel better?

James: Setting off your LEGO City with an 8 story LEGO Avengers Tower MOC?

Jeff: Well, that does make me feel good but I’d love it even more if you’d put the pirate flintlock pistol down.

James: Whoa, didn’t even notice I was holding that. Would it make you feel better if we did a little quiz and looked at some LEGO 20th anniversary desktop backgrounds?

Jeff: Those are lovely. I can feel my tension melt away. Can we watch the LEGO Star Wars: The Force Awakens gameplay trailer? I wouldn’t mind chilling out to that and letting my mind drift while I imagine the fun of exploring the Star Wars universe –

James: Plus all the shooting you get to do!

Jeff: WHY MUST YOU TORMENT ME LIKE THIS? I HAVE A FAMILY!

James: OK, how did this blunderbuss get in my hands? I’m so sorry, Jeff.

Jeff: If I didn’t know better I might start to suspect you are in fact part of a LEGO crime ring.

James: You can’t pin anything on me, man.

Jeff: It could be the perfect crime! Think of the sets, the glory, the dozens of dollars!

James: Snap out of it, Jeff! We’re not criminals!

Jeff: Why am I loading this replica canon?

James: We need a vacation. Why don’t we consider building our own massive space telescope out of LEGO and take a trip to the stars?

Jeff: You need to stop trying to romance me.

James: I can’t help it. I cook, I clean, I perform romantic gestures. Being a stay at home dad has that effect on me.

Jeff: Ahhh, did they model that new stay at home dad minifig on you? You do have a beard and I frequently accuse you of being a hipster…

James: I am not a hipster! I am not an animal! I am a human being! I … am … a … man!

Jeff: Shhhh, it’s alright James. Just hold this Fabuland minifig and imagine a beautiful Lynchian universe.

James: Is it weird?

Jeff: Sooo weird.

James: How weird?

Jeff: A banana toaster eats lemondrops all day.

James: That’s pretty weird.

Jeff: You asked. But let’s move on to something more interesting than the conversations that the spiders in my head have, let’s close our eyes and imagine the big expansion at LEGOLAND Florida.

James: Will there be a Ninjago ride of some sort?

Jeff: Certainly.

James: Will one be able to enjoy such delights as LEGO NEXO KNIGHTS 4D: The Book of Creativity?

Jeff: Without a doubt.

James: Will there be fireworks?

Jeff: You know it!

James: Then I’m out. I don’t do fireworks.

Jeff: Why do you have to ruin everything? If you hate fireworks you will still undoubtedly enjoy an interview with Justin Ramsden, LEGO Super Hero Designer.

James: You can’t help but smile for him and his dream job. Do you want to know about my dream job, Jeff?

Jeff: Does it involve Fabuland?

James: Yes.

Jeff: Then no. But I do want to hear more about those upcoming Angry Birds.

James: It’s not hard to see why those nice little birds are so angry. I think I’d also be displeased at being catapulted into a low-flying single prop aircraft or flung at a place known as Pig City. Life is hard for those angry little birds.

Jeff: You know what will make us all feel better? Let’s listen to the gentle sounds of a musical LEGO Castle Laputa.

James: It’s a trap! You’re trying to lull me into the world’s happiest coma! Where is my blunderbuss? Where is my cutlass? Where is my crew of renegade pirates when you… Oh, It’s just lovely. I could watch this thing all day…

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